The Power of Curious Conversations at Work: A Conversation with Kirsten Siggins

The Power of Curious Conversations at Work ft. Kirsten Siggins

[00:00:10] RK Prasad:

Good morning, good evening, good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for listening and viewing this podcast today. It’s burning hot here in India—we crossed 40°C. And I really don’t know how cold it is in some parts of the United States. To all of you from different parts of the world, I welcome you to this very interesting and thought-provoking topic with Kirsten Siggins.

[00:01:05] Most learning initiatives focus on delivering content. Very few focus on sparking curiosity. Our guest today, Kirsten Siggins, co-authored a book on the power of curiosity—how to have real conversations that create collaboration, innovation, and understanding.

[00:01:34] She has spent many years exploring how curiosity works, how it drives learning, and how it can be turned into action and real-world impact. At the heart of her work is a simple yet powerful idea: better questions lead to better conversations and ultimately better outcomes.

[00:02:10] So, to start with, Kirsten, how did you get interested in this topic? And before that, could you share a little bit about your background?

[00:02:30] Kirsten Siggins:

Thank you, RK, for having me. I have to credit my mom. My mom and I started the business together. Normally, when I say my mom and I have a business, people gasp because the mother-daughter relationship is often seen as complicated. So I say it’s a testament to the success of the skills we teach.

[00:03:16] About 20 years ago, my mom was teaching a coach approach in healthcare. People said the coaching skills were fine, but the question-asking piece was what really changed conversations. I was working in the entertainment industry at the time, and both of us were seeing that people really struggle with difficult conversations. It’s something we’re expected to know how to do, but we’re not necessarily taught.

[00:04:08] As we explored how questions changed conversations, we realized it was really about curiosity. If you ask a room of 1,000 people how many are curious, everyone would put their hand up. We all have passions and interests. But what we learned early on, and what is still true today, is that where most people are not curious is in their conversations.

[00:04:58] When you’re not curious in a conversation, you’re telling, judging, fixing, helping, and solving—often without being asked. That can lead to judgment, blame, shame, and conflict. But if you stay in curiosity—where you’re open, present, listening, processing information differently, listening to understand, and asking questions—it completely changes how you show up in a conversation.

[00:05:43] It changed my relationship with my mom, my kids, my husband, and our clients’ relationships too. That’s why we wrote the book—because people told us this framework needed to reach a larger audience. It’s something you can use with anyone, anywhere, at any time.

[00:06:18] RK Prasad:

That’s a fantastic background. I’m impressed that this is something you discovered through practice, not just a formula or a mix of theories. Let’s start with curiosity and communication, because communication is all-pervasive. It’s integrated into every aspect of human behavior. If we understand that, we can apply it to learning, teamwork, and many other areas. Can you explain the concept?

[00:07:08] Kirsten Siggins:

When we came up with this and took it more broadly, my mom and I talked a lot about theory. We worked with senior leaders who would say, “I don’t want to learn communication skills. I know how to communicate. I know emotional intelligence. I’ve read the books and done the training.”

[00:07:51] But where the wheels come off is under pressure. Conversations never follow a script where one person says this and the other says that. So when we created our curious conversation framework, it was important that it could be used with anyone, anywhere.

[00:08:25] It’s more of a state of being. It’s about how you show up in a conversation rather than exactly what you say. It’s a simple three-part process: being present to listen and absorb what the speaker is saying, choosing how you process the information, and asking curious, open questions to collect information, test assumptions, and understand more deeply.

[00:09:11] Normally, people go into conversations listening to fix, solve, or speak. We speak to be heard, but we don’t always listen to understand. Curious conversations shift the focus away from ourselves. The idea is: “I want to understand what’s going on for you so we can collect data, test assumptions, and make better decisions.”

[00:09:53] The powerful part is that neuroscience supports this. If you stay curious, you can stay calmer. Curiosity helps us see, hear, and understand others. Humans are biologically designed to be seen, heard, and understood. That deepens connections and makes conversations more effective.

[00:10:26] RK Prasad:

You said “listen to understand” rather than listen to respond. Is this similar to what Stephen Covey said—listen to understand, not to reply?

[00:10:55] Kirsten Siggins:

Yes, but I’ll explain how we look at it. We believe there are five choices of listening.

[00:11:11] The first is not listening. We literally choose not to listen at times, and that influences the outcome of the conversation and the relationship.

[00:11:31] The second is listening through our own lens and experience. For example, if someone says, “I need an extension on this presentation,” I might think, “I never got extensions. I managed my time better.” Then I respond from my own experience, and the person feels judged.

[00:12:09] The third is listening through the lens of judging the speaker in their own context. This often sounds like helping. For example: “You should know how to manage your time better.” We go into fixing and solving, even though nobody asked.

[00:12:29] When we listen to understand, we’re open and curious. We ask, “How come you need an extension? How much time do you need? What’s getting in the way? Where are you struggling?” You collect data points. It becomes a very different conversation because the person feels seen, heard, and understood.

[00:13:03] The fifth choice is when we do have skin in the game. At work, there’s often a common goal. If the client is coming tomorrow and the presentation needs to be done, you can ask, “What do you need from me? What resources do you need to get this done?” You’re working together toward the same goal.

[00:14:13] Most workplaces stay in choices two and three—the “I, I, I” or “you, you, you.” They rarely get to listening to understand.

[00:14:41] RK Prasad:

So your model has three parts: be present, listen to understand, and what is the third?

[00:15:03] Kirsten Siggins:

Asking questions. But I’ll preface that by saying it’s also about choosing how you process information. There are times when you may not want to listen to understand, like when you’re out with a friend having a casual conversation. It’s always a choice.

[00:15:58] For the most effective conversations, you choose to listen to understand and ask open, curious questions. These are who, what, where, when, and how questions.

[00:16:29] We’ve found that “why” questions can sometimes feel judgmental, especially when emotions are involved or someone is stressed. “Why do you need an extension?” can feel accusatory. But “How much more time do you need?” or “What’s coming up?” lands softer. Open questions invite the speaker into the conversation, whereas “why” can sometimes shut it down.

[00:17:37] RK Prasad:

That moves the conversation from transactional to collaborative. Let’s take a formal workplace scenario—a boss and colleague, or two colleagues, with a common goal. Suppose I’m practicing curiosity, but the other person is not aware of this approach. How do I bring that person into this mode?

[00:18:39] Kirsten Siggins:

You can’t change how other people show up. You can only change how you show up.

[00:19:01] When there is common ground, keep the focus on that common ground. In workplace conflict, the problem often becomes the person. People say things like, “You’re always late,” or “You’re always doing this.” That’s judgment.

[00:19:44] Instead, keep it around the common goal. For example, “Everyone shows up at 8:00. What’s getting in the way of getting here on time?” If an employee can frame questions around the common ground, it can help move the conversation forward.

[00:20:35] You don’t have to like or agree with everything you hear. Curiosity gives you information. It helps you make better decisions about how to move forward.

[00:21:07] The second piece is that when you ask questions and stay curious, your emotions don’t get elevated. The more questions you ask, the more the other person can think through the situation. It keeps the conversation more productive.

[00:21:53] We saw this in healthcare with nurses and doctors. At first, doctors wanted to shut the questions down. But when nurses asked, “How are we able to provide patient-centered care?” it opened a door. Doctors realized the conversation might take longer upfront, but then the issue doesn’t keep coming back. It becomes contagious because people experience it as productive.

[00:23:05] RK Prasad:

You mention in your book that children are naturally curious. They ask so many questions. You also say curiosity is a survival thing. Can you explain that?

[00:23:41] Kirsten Siggins:

When we’re young, curiosity is how we learn. We touch, feel, explore, and collect data to make decisions. If a child touches something hot and gets hurt, they learn not to do it again. If something tastes bad, they learn from that.

[00:24:35] Curiosity is innate in humans. It is our most underused and undervalued skill. When we’re young, we ask many questions, but parents and teachers often suppress it. Then people enter the workplace, and we’re frustrated that they don’t ask questions, solve problems, or engage.

[00:25:29] We’re not curious in conversations. We love to tell, fix, solve, and be the expert.

[00:25:47] When parents model curiosity by being present with their children, it can change relationships. People were initially afraid to try curiosity skills at work, so they tried them at home first. Their children would say, “I actually felt like you listened to me for the first time.” That gave them confidence to take it into work.

[00:26:56] RK Prasad:

Why does such a wonderful innate quality go unused as people grow older?

[00:27:14] Kirsten Siggins:

Because we reward experts and being right. We don’t reward exploration, at work or at home. Most workplaces reward speed and accuracy. They reward the people who know the answer first.

[00:27:54] But we live in a time where nobody can predict what will happen next. The idea that there is one right answer or one expert doesn’t always work anymore. The power of humans lies in curiosity and asking questions.

[00:28:42] RK Prasad:

So society rewards compliance and certainty. How do we reignite curiosity without offending people?

[00:29:05] Kirsten Siggins:

It doesn’t have to be childlike curiosity. I don’t believe in mandating curiosity. It’s about creating better environments for curious conversations.

[00:29:38] Most people are curious in some areas of life—their hobbies, passions, and interests. But workplace systems don’t always reward curiosity. They reward obedience over critical thinking.

[00:30:18] You can tell people to be curious, but if they can’t have conversations with healthy heat—where they listen to things they don’t like or agree with—then it won’t matter. When people show up differently and have more curious conversations, others feel seen, heard, and understood. That creates trust, resilience, collaboration, innovation, and psychological safety.

[00:31:39] We might mandate curiosity, but we don’t always model it.

[00:31:53] RK Prasad:

You mentioned beliefs and values several times. How are beliefs, values, and curiosity linked?

[00:32:16] Kirsten Siggins:

Our values are like our GPS. They guide how we live our lives. Often, we don’t take time to understand them, or we adopt other people’s values.

[00:32:58] When we don’t understand our values, we live in friction. For example, if we value family but work 100-hour weeks, we’ll feel friction.

[00:33:31] In organizations, everyone brings personal values to work. Organizations may put values on the wall, but they don’t always practice them through culture. When people step into work, it should not only be about their personal values but also about the organization’s values.

[00:34:34] Curiosity helps us explore personal values and organizational values. In conflict, values can become common ground. If the organization values time and people are late, instead of saying, “You’re always late,” you can say, “The agreement is that we come in at 9:00. What’s getting in the way?”

[00:35:44] Values are also emotional triggers. If I value time and someone is late, I may create a narrative: “He doesn’t respect me.” But curiosity helps me pause and ask what else might be going on.

[00:36:35] Beliefs are similar. We often adopt beliefs as we grow up and never check them. Curiosity lets us explore our own beliefs and others’ beliefs. I don’t have to agree with your belief system, but I can understand it. That allows for more meaningful relationships.

[00:37:40] RK Prasad:

So people with different values can still have meaningful conversations if there is a common goal or common value?

[00:38:10] Kirsten Siggins:

One hundred percent. Where we go wrong is that we don’t develop self-awareness. We don’t take time to understand our values, beliefs, and emotional triggers.

[00:38:50] When we don’t understand who we are, we make conversations about us. We start judging: “My values are better than yours” or “My beliefs are better than yours.” But no one is asking you to adopt someone else’s values.

[00:39:46] When we understand who we are and what we stand for, we can enter conversations without making them about ourselves. I can want to understand your values and beliefs without agreeing with them. That doesn’t mean I can’t respect you.

[00:40:44] In workplaces, this is where organizational values matter. If an organization values respect, what does that look like in practice? That common ground helps guide the conversation. Conflict often starts when organizations don’t have clarity around values.

[00:41:37] RK Prasad:

Have you worked with companies that had curiosity as one of their values?

[00:41:49] Kirsten Siggins:

Yes, all the time. But the question is: how do you define it, and what does it look like in practice?

[00:42:06] That’s where things often fall down. Curiosity tends to be mandated more than modeled. If you want real change and ripple effect, model curiosity. That is how you create psychological safety. People feel comfortable asking questions, hearing things they may not like or agree with, and not being punished for it.

[00:42:41] If you say curiosity matters but then reward only the person with the fastest answer in meetings, you squeeze curiosity out.

[00:42:55] RK Prasad:

Curiosity is also the starting point of innovation. But organizations are structured and goal-driven. How can they encourage curiosity without disrupting the engine that needs to keep running?

[00:43:10] Kirsten Siggins:

It depends on culture. In a surgery room, some environments are very top-down: the surgeon asks for something and nobody talks. But in learning hospitals, there is psychological safety. Doctors may ask nurses, “What are you seeing that I’m not seeing?” or “What red flags are coming up for you?”

[00:44:25] The quietest surgery rooms can be the most dangerous because everything depends on one person. When you create a psychologically safe learning environment, questions are welcomed. They aren’t annoying because people are asking meaningful questions, not questions for the sake of it.

[00:45:25] Off-sites and team-building can help, but you can also start in small areas where psychological safety already exists. Let those become case studies. Encourage those pockets and let the practice ripple through the organization.

[00:46:13] The sticking point is that organizations often mandate things for bottom-line reasons. But curiosity cannot be mandated. It must be modeled. When teams from different perspectives can have curious conversations, ask questions, not take things personally, and push boundaries, that’s where innovation happens.

[00:47:15] RK Prasad:

Our audience is mainly corporate leaders and L&D professionals who are change agents in large organizations. What advice would you give them on encouraging curious conversations and leading by example?

[00:48:02] Kirsten Siggins:

Start having curious conversations. Shift out of being the expert or the person who knows the most. Move toward asking questions.

[00:48:35] We live in uncertain times. We need to ask what teams need, what employees need, and what clients need. We can’t presume to know what clients need. Ask—that’s how you innovate meaningfully.

[00:49:22] Design for curious conversations. Enhance curious conversations. Find the pockets where psychological safety and curiosity already exist and nurture them.

[00:49:51] We tend to focus on content. You can deliver the best content in the world, but if people can’t talk about it, use it, and have conversations around it, it’s meaningless.

[00:50:35] Focus on improving conversations and making them more curious. It will have a ripple effect.

[00:50:57] RK Prasad:

The ripple effect is key. It becomes bigger and bigger.

[00:51:14] Kirsten Siggins:

Yes. It doesn’t have to be everywhere. We often think everyone has to learn this right now. Start small. Start in specific areas. Watch the difference. Use it as your case study. People will see it and feel it, and they will change how they show up. It has a powerful ripple effect.

[00:51:36] RK Prasad:

What can we expect next from you? What are you working on?

[00:51:43] Kirsten Siggins:

The curious conversation framework is always central because that’s what I’m passionate about. But my work now focuses mostly on stress.

[00:52:07] Stress is the element people don’t take into consideration. We don’t look at how people respond to stress when we hire or when teams come together. Yet it is one of the most important factors in whether a team succeeds.

[00:52:31] I use a tool that measures your internal experience under stress so you can see your habits, blind spots, and how you show up. Leaders can use it with teams to understand how they affect the team and where team blind spots are. Then we apply the conversation framework to those areas where people are overcompensating or undercompensating.

[00:52:45] Stress isn’t going anywhere, so we need to learn how to work with it.

[00:52:48] RK Prasad:

Are you writing a book on that?

[00:52:51] Kirsten Siggins:

Not right now, but that doesn’t mean I won’t. Right now, I’m having fun working with people and putting the practice into action.

[00:53:09] My mom used to say, “We can change the world one curious conversation at a time.” I’m really starting to believe that. At least we can change our own little world.

[00:53:16] RK Prasad:

If everybody does that, then the whole world changes. Thank you very much, Kirsten. This was wonderful and enlightening. I had many aha moments, and I’m sure our audience will too. You did great work, and you did a great thing listening to your mom by writing the book and sharing it with the world. Best wishes for your current and future work.

[00:53:43] Kirsten Siggins:

Thank you, RK. Thank you so much for having me. It was a pleasure.

[00:53:46] RK Prasad:

Thank you. Have a good day.

[00:53:48] Kirsten Siggins:

Thank you, you too.